I wrote a poem for my sisters today. I told them, "I hope you hate me, I hope you always will," and "pray that Hell exists." I don't think I wrote it in the first person. I think I wrote it as a masochist, a guilty party in need of punishment. But, either way, I find that hate and anger have been valuable tools for victims of emotional abuse. This was the point of the poem. I hope they love themselves enough to be angry at the people who abandon them. Who could've done something but didn't. To be angry at me and my mistakes, and not come to doubt themselves in my stead.
I also thought of something funny. I must admit, it tastes like a bad Mitch Hedberg joke. I thought, "I don't get why people say they have trouble sleeping. I don't have trouble sleeping, because I don't like sleeping. It would be like me saying 'I have trouble vomiting'. If I'm not, I'm likely having a better time than if I were. No trouble needed."
I spent the day researching the 90's. Apparently it wasn't all about Spice Girls, KFC, and The Lion King, so I guess I missed a lot. Also, a lot of stuff was tacky, even tackier than my purple leggings/striped turtleneck combo. So maybe it wasn't such a bad part of history to skip the first time around.
Still, I wish I had been abducted by my boyfriend, and traveled the country listening to Phish and Ani DiFranco in the backseat of a tricked-out red S4. I believe it would have added a needed dimension to my prepubescent character. But, whatever I believe would have happened in the past is irrelevant, as it never happened. And now I giggle and think of squirrels whenever I'm in the presence of a banana hammock, instead of wishing it were a vagina, or asking where I left my backpack.
I meant to be rewriting my BFA Thesis proposal today. However, I've started to think 90's research is more enriching to my life right now.
Funny how antithetical to living richly school has become.
I'm sure I won't be saying that as a dropout living on Welfare once my professors figure out where I am, but, live in the moment, man...
I also thought of something funny. I must admit, it tastes like a bad Mitch Hedberg joke. I thought, "I don't get why people say they have trouble sleeping. I don't have trouble sleeping, because I don't like sleeping. It would be like me saying 'I have trouble vomiting'. If I'm not, I'm likely having a better time than if I were. No trouble needed."
I spent the day researching the 90's. Apparently it wasn't all about Spice Girls, KFC, and The Lion King, so I guess I missed a lot. Also, a lot of stuff was tacky, even tackier than my purple leggings/striped turtleneck combo. So maybe it wasn't such a bad part of history to skip the first time around.
Still, I wish I had been abducted by my boyfriend, and traveled the country listening to Phish and Ani DiFranco in the backseat of a tricked-out red S4. I believe it would have added a needed dimension to my prepubescent character. But, whatever I believe would have happened in the past is irrelevant, as it never happened. And now I giggle and think of squirrels whenever I'm in the presence of a banana hammock, instead of wishing it were a vagina, or asking where I left my backpack.
I meant to be rewriting my BFA Thesis proposal today. However, I've started to think 90's research is more enriching to my life right now.
Funny how antithetical to living richly school has become.
I'm sure I won't be saying that as a dropout living on Welfare once my professors figure out where I am, but, live in the moment, man...
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